I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My bed smells like the plague
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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