guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
