haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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