me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
