I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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