i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
