I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize