Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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