I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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