u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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