i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
