using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
