I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
