ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
