i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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