I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
