Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
