Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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