Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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