Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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