I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
