you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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