then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
