btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
