Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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