I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
