I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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