you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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