she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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