rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
