my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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