the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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