Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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