So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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