discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
