Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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