having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
