i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Still dying that you shit outside
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
