Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
