Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
