you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
