I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
