it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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