It was confusing and full of hummus
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize