I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
pray to the hookup gods
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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