I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
