Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
