Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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