New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
