Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
