:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
