After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
