Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
