He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
