why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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