Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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