nut hugger
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
