I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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