Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
