Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
