Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
