i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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