Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
