dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
