Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Text me some of your sweat
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
