ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
