New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
