I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
