Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
