I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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