The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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