Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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