i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
