I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
