I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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