i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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