Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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