Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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