As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
