I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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