How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sex in a hospital.. check
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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