i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
