you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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