Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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