Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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