Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
