I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
