Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
