No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
