he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she told me i tasted like america
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
