You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize