There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
two words...techno handjob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
