I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
