Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize