Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
