Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize