I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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