I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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