I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
