She is in my trunk
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize