I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize